• Zainab Naqvi

The 10 Types of Guys That You'll Date In Dallas

Updated: Sep 21, 2020

Dating in Dallas is not an easy task. Though it’s a big city, the pool of “eligible” singles is surprisingly small. You run into the same people at the same places, and you slowly realize that most of the boys are easily categorized. Here is a simple breakdown of the types of men you’ll find yourself dating in the Big D.

1. The thirty thousand dollar millionaire

First and foremost, Dallas is home to the thirty thousand dollar millionaire. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this term, these are the boys who are making around 30k a year, living in a luxury apartment, getting bottle service every weekend, and renting out cars from Turo to take girls on dates. Once you’re on a date, they typically take you to a low-end restaurant and don’t push back when you offer to split the tab. Sometimes, they even take it as far as to rent out an Airbnb for the night, if they don’t have an apartment that lives up to the standard of living they’re attempting to portray (true story - a friend I knew was live texting me as this happened to her). If you’ve been single in Dallas for at least a year, you have surely already ran into one, if not a few of these. Weeding them out gets easier, don’t worry!

2. The SMU boy who thinks life is one big frat party

This one looks very promising, and as you get to the first date he seems like someone you very well might be able to take home to mom. He’s charismatic, attractive, and dresses nicely. Then suddenly you’re two hours into your first date and you realize that every story he tells somehow ties back to his fraternity. You graduated four years ago, and you’re still going to EVERY single SMU tailgate with your “brothers”? At this point, you’re an hour and a half into your date, haven’t touched a slice of your pizza and you’re wondering if it’s too late to say your imaginary cat is at home with a cold and you have to attend to her now.

3. The Misfit

This one is an enigma. He’s noticeably out of place, despite his effort to blend in by wearing cowboy boots. He doesn’t live up to the bougie Dallas standard, though he makes more than the average Dallas millennial. Very intellectual, very sex-positive, more of a feminist than your average female, yet still manages to objectify women more than the typical “bro”. Hates beer, sports, or anything remotely masculine, which gives you an illusion of safety, but be careful ladies. Don’t let his relatable, feminist ways trick you. He’s still a warm-blooded male, with an innate desire to “get laid”. Throw that in with his massive commitment issues, and his liberal polyamorous ways and you have the perfect f*boy in sheep's attire.

4. The Hipster Misogynist

You’re swiping on Hinge and tired of seeing the same guys. Just when you’re about to delete the app, you see a picture of a tall guy with interesting facial hair playing the guitar. Not your type, but you realize that maybe a nice, artsy, hipster is exactly the detox you need from the standard f*boys you date. You end up going on a date and it’s going fairly well. He’s smart, he has a passion for music and art, and he avoids Uptown like the plague spending most of his evenings at lowkey joints on Greenville or Bishop Arts. He even RECYCLES. Something has to be off, right? Right. You mention that you’re studying finance and he goes “Finance? What’s a girl like you doing in finance? Girls just aren’t as good at numbers. And I know that you’re thinking I’m a misogynist, and you’re right. I am.” (Also, a true story). RUN don’t walk.

5. The Guy with 99 qualifications, but a personality ain’t one

This one is a true tragedy. He has a good job, drives a good car, has a solid group of friends, a good family life, a strong social media presence, and shows no signs of being a serial killer. He even has a dog that he loves and cares for and takes him for walks on the Katy Trail every weekend. He’s not a d-bag, he’s not a narcissist… so what’s the issue? All of that is the issue. He isn’t good, he isn’t bad, he isn’t funny, he isn’t mean. He’s been attractive all of his life so he never needed to form an intricate personality to compensate for his looks. He is simply existing. He lives a simple life, not forming any strong opinions on real-world matters. When you ask him anything remotely personal, he deflects like a pro. On the upside, he’s a great listener, which draws you in at the beginning. It seems like he’s listening, but in reality, his goal is to keep you talking for as long as possible so his inability to add value to the conversation isn’t exposed. When you tell him you wish you could have deep talks, he responds with “We can have deep talks! Let’s talk about outer space.” (TRUE STORY.)

6. The Man Child

These are the men we know and love. The ones that keep us on our toes with their childish games, even though they’re well into their late 20’s or early 30’s. You responded to his text after 2 hours because you were busy grabbing lunch with an old friend. No no, this just won’t do for this guy. He will purposefully wait three hours to respond to your message and sit there twiddling his thumbs until the clock hits that three-hour mark. You’ve lost track of how many times you guys have argued in front of the valet at Nick and Sams, and once you break up, you’re too embarrassed to ever go there again. The man child is an ineffective communicator, a professional gaslighter, and throws tantrums worse than your 5-year-old cousin when you won’t let him play games on your phone. Be wary, they draw you in with their fun boyish charm, but you soon realize you aren’t their partner, you’re their mother.

7. The Highland Park Baby

They look way too young to be driving a blacked out G-Wagon or Range Rover, and though they have a decent entry-level finance job, you know it’s not enough to afford that car payment plus rent at that new luxury apartment. They treat you well, open doors, take you out to nice dinners, and typically do a whole lot of drugs. But it’s casual right? Plus if they ever get caught, daddy probably knows a politician who will get them off the hook easily. They don’t understand the middle-class drive for success, since they’re able to graduate college with a 2.5 GPA and snag a position at a top bank, and they get to live snuggly under the blanket of affluent, southern wealth. These boys aren’t THAT bad, as they seem to have adopted a “live and let live” mentality, however, don’t date them expecting to be fully understood if you aren’t cut from the same cloth.

8. The Married Man

Something I have found to be very unique about Dallas is that people seem to be eternally young. Women that are 50 have enough plastic surgery to look like they’re 30, and men that are married seem to enjoy nightlife the same way they did three kids and two marriages ago. These men are charming, and can often be found in packs. They’re out drinking and having fun with the boys as if they don’t have young children to tuck into the beds of their cookie-cutter Plano homes. As midnight comes, the drinks hit hard and the wedding rings come off. The standard excuse is that you can’t go back to their place, because their “parents are visiting from out of town and staying with them." Though once in a blue moon this might be a legitimate reason if you hear a guy say this go vet him out on social media and I promise you’ll find a picture of him with his wife, kids, and their two dogs.

9. The Club Owners

Dallas loves to party. Nightlife is a large form of validation in Dallas culture. Who you know, where you go, it all seems to matter way more since Dallas is small for a big city. This gives the club owners in Dallas a lot of social leverage and they know it. Competition for the “big” clubs is scarce, so owners and managers are pulling in tons of hot girls based on a false perception of elitism. Hey, good for them! Ladies, be careful and remember your self worth isn’t based on how fast you can skip the line.

10. The Confused Foreign Boy

He’s a man of color who was brought up amidst white, American culture, and he spent his whole young adulthood wanting to belong. That desire to fit in with a culture that is different from his household is so deeply ingrained in him that he takes pride in having no friends that share the same ethnic background, pretends that he doesn’t speak in his native tongue, and tries to run as far away from his familial roots as possible. He seems to be having a severe identity crisis, which he is trying to correct by dating someone who shares the same ethnic background (you). You almost think you can handle it, and then you see pictures of him in a MAGA hat. See ya.

Like I said, dating in Dallas is not an easy task. At some point or another, we've all ran into one of these ten men while searching for love in the Big D. But have no fear, because it's officially cuffing season and Uproar is here to help. Stay tuned for our tips and tricks, trials and errors, and so much more.

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