Five Signs Your Match Will Lead to a Second Date
Updated: Sep 21
Dating has become a limitless activity. We are inundated with more options than ever before and it's all through a device that we carry in our pockets. With that being said, less than one percent of the matches you make on a dating app will lead to an actual date. Even then, fewer of those dates lead to something long-term. So how do you move from someone turning into just another one of your Instagram-story viewers into something more serious? Here enters the second date.
The second date is so much more important than the first date. You’ve answered the basic twenty-one first date questions and move into getting to know each other at a more intimate level. However, in the age of limitless options, it can be hard to tell when someone is genuinely interested in moving forward or when someone is just passing time. After spending some time asking others about their experiences, and looking back at mine, I’ve outlined the five signs for you to know if your first date is going to lead to a second.
1. They ask you to let them know when you get home safe
This is listed as number one because it’s one that most people don’t think about. However, from personal experience, it has 100 percent been the determining factor for whether or not I have a second date with someone. This question poses more than just wanting to make sure you don’t die going through the evening traffic. It’s a way to continue to engage in conversation after the date in the most endearing way. Sure they might care about your safety, but it also gives them a guaranteed time when they will hear from you again. While every guy that has asked me this, I haven’t necessarily gone on a second date with, 100 percent of guys that haven't, I never saw or heard from again. And I’m not alone in this. The top answer given by women for the signs that a date had gone well had to do with hearing back from their date that same night. It’s a quick way to weed out those who aren’t serious. If they aren’t ready to hear from you by the end of the night, they aren't going to want to hear from you the following morning either.
2. How often they check their phone - and what excuse they give when they do
I once sat across from a man who was responding to a Bumble message while we were on a date. True story. As we sat at the bar, in mid-sentence, I looked down and saw the all too familiar yellow messages across his screen. He told me it was his mom, but unless his name was secretly Oedipus or Apple temporarily switched its iMessage color to yellow, he was definitely still swiping right in front of me. Beware of the person who can’t stop checking their phone screen for more than ten minutes at a time. The number one sign of disinterest on a date is if something else is occupying their attention more than you are. Excuses for why they are checking their phone will vary - work, family, friends - but at the end of the day, that's exactly what they are, excuses. Unless they work for the FBI or they're a surgeon, there aren't many reasons why someone can’t put their phone down for at least an hour or two of conversation. If they feel so impulsed that they can’t be separated from their technology for such little time, that pattern is probably much worse in their day-to-day life. You don’t want to be with the person that finds their screen more entertaining than you.
3. You go to a secondary location (that’s not their place)
I must preface this by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with the secondary location being somebody’s place. At all. However, a good sign of a first date going well is if they want to stay out in public with you. I don’t know many people willing to give up the better part of their night just to save face on a date. It’s easy to give up an hour’s worth of time in a night, it’s a bigger commitment when you give up three or more. A secondary location can be a change in activity, or just a change in scenery to keep the night evolving. A secondary location starts to give you an idea of what the other person is into doing.
4. Compatible sense of humor
Ask any girl (or guy) what is the top attribute they look for in a partner, time and time again the answer is a sense of humor. Seriously, studies show that for the past thirty years, relationship success is tied more to how compatible your sense of humor is to your partner’s than anything else. There is nothing more awkward than laughing at something and realizing that you are the only person laughing. Or being the one sitting there in silence because you did not get what the other person is laughing at. With this being said, you don't have to be slinging jokes left and right like you're doing stand up at Dallas Comedy Club. It’s simply about if you find the same things funny. Maybe both of you are into sitcoms or think that puns are the greatest gift to mankind. Maybe you like to banter, or maybe you’re the girl who is a sucker for a dad joke (it’s me, I’m that girl.) Whatever your style is, we remember people most by how they laughed, and their ability to make others laugh.
5. They are who they said they are
This is more than just the totally out-there cases of being catfished. We all want to put our best foot forward before going on a date. We curate the photos we post, the messages we put out and cherry-pick which attributes people get to see first. Any facade we put up can start to be stripped away the moment we enter a first date. The more drastic the facade, the more easily someone will see through it. It’s not just about physical appearance, or what they do for a living. If they’re not able to back up the perception they want you to believe, it could be a sign that there is something even deeper going on that they’re not showing. If trust is the foundation of every good relationship, you don’t want to start your potential future with someone on shaky ground.
It can seem like a cruel, dark world in the dating realm. With the average person going on 41 dates a year, that’s a lot of time spent swiping. It’s not hopeless, though. Over 15 percent of long-term couples cite dating apps as the way they met. So, you can be confident in knowing these signs and being able to determine the good from the bad. Remember, there are seven billion people on this planet. There will be one for you.