• Zainab Naqvi

An Average Guy's Guide to Getting the Girl (Or at Least a Date)

Updated: Sep 21, 2020

Men always like to say that women are complicated, that we have too many emotions- the list goes on. Boys, truth is, if you were to invest half the time you spend figuring out your Xbox controller into figuring out the buttons of a woman, you could have any girl you want. Do you find yourself scoring goals in FIFA with your eyes closed, yet can’t understand why your date got upset when you went on and on about how hot her bestie is? Or maybe you can’t seem to figure out why you can’t get the girl you’re crushing on to respond to your messages? Lucky for you, I'm here to help you catch the attention of your dream girl with three simple tips.

*Disclaimer* It’s important to understand that men who are exceptionally attractive or wealthy probably don’t need this guide, as women will flock to them regardless. Yes, not very 'politically correct' of me, but this isn't fourth-grade soccer, and you don’t get a trophy for sub-par participation. For most average men, this should help even out the playing field.

1. Stop: Unnecessarily Complimenting Women on their Looks

Look, I get it. Men don’t get compliments often, so when you do, you’re beaming so much that people can probably see you all the way from Area 51. You can’t stop thinking about it and you’re flattered beyond belief. However, this is NOT the approach you should use towards women. Women get compliments from men on their looks so often, that our brains are conditioned to regard them as spam and immediately filter them into a junk folder. No one thinks you’re being genuine, and we’re going to assume that you’re saying that you think we’re hot in a sad attempt to get laid. You come off as basic, disingenuous, and, to be completely honest, a little thirsty. 

Instead: Give Genuine Compliments

We get complimented on our physical traits so often that we feel as though that is all society chooses to boil us down to. Total cliché, right? Regardless of how smart, funny, witty, and well-dressed we are, everyone chooses to focus on our physical traits. Don't make it all about our looks. Tell us we’re funny. Compliment our style. If you haven’t communicated with her enough to be able to find a personality trait that you like, then you probably aren’t at a point in which you should be handing out compliments yet. And no, this isn’t some feminist rant about not wanting to be objectified. This is a 100% raw and unfiltered look inside the brain of yours truly. This will make you stand out from everyone else. Tell me I’m pretty and I’ll roll my eyes and think “duh”. However, tell me I’m smart or funny, and I’ll be thinking about it for days. Or at least for a solid 5 minutes.

2. Stop: Spamming

Contrary to popular belief, momentum isn’t always key. I know that you think that if you don’t send your Instagram crush a DM every morning detailing your almost stalker-like infatuation, that she’ll completely forget about you and move on to one of the other thousands of guys DM-ing her the same exact thing. That just isn’t the case though. In fact, she’s just going to classify you as one of her Instagram stalkers. It just reeks of desperation and it makes it too easy. Do men really think they’re the only ones who like a good chase? 

Instead: Confuse Us by Actually Understanding Social Cues

Rather than responding to every story your crush ever posts, pick wisely. If something she posts REALLY stands out to you, send her a quick message. Keep it short, and as I mentioned above, refrain from commenting on her physical attributes. Tell her you like her shoes, or compliment her photography skills. If she responds with a simple "thanks”, don’t try to desperately keep the conversation going. Most men try to continue without any green light. Since this is anticipated, by not doing so, you will actually make yourself stand out from the rest (and in a good way). It’s confusing and makes us wonder why you aren’t obsessed with us. I hate to admit it, but confusion is key sometimes. If you’ve confused us, you’ve occupied space in our otherwise preoccupied mind. And who doesn’t love a good mystery to solve?

3. Stop: Trying So Hard That You End Up Being Someone You’re Not

You don’t need to suggest some extravagant date in order to get the girl. Suggesting Nobu on your first date when the majority of your Insta stories take place at Chili's is a no-no. We don’t want the pressure of feeling like you’re spending your entire paycheck on us, and you don’t want to be the guy who orders an appetizer because she ordered the $100 duck (cue Gossip Girl theme song). A.K.A don’t be Dan Humphrey. Also, don’t pretend like you’re a Swiftie just because she is, and then find yourself completely unable to talk about T-Swift’s latest album when it comes up on your date. She loves dogs and you don’t? Cool, that’s completely fine! It’s okay to not be carbon copies of each other. How identical you are will not be the sole deciding factor on whether she likes you or not. If it is, homegirl has other issues and that probably isn’t a narrative you want to be a part of anyway. 

Instead: Be. Your. Freaking. Self.

Be yourself. I can’t stress this enough. First dates can be a lot of pressure on both ends. The more relaxed the setting is, the more relaxed the two of you will feel. To be honest, we probably don’t want to spend the time getting all dolled up for you just yet. This definitely does not mean inviting her to the sh*tty bar across the street from your place either. Maybe suggest a fun activity, like going to see the new exhibit at the art museum. Think outside of the box, but not outside of your pocket. Don’t pretend to be something that you’re not. One of the best dates I've had has been grabbing a slice of pizza at a casual place and then talking the night away on a low-key rooftop. Plus, I got to wear ripped jeans. Score. 

Boys: I hope you take these tips to heart. I assure you that you will grab her attention. With that being said, may the odds be ever in your favor. 

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