5 Reasons Why Deep Ellum Sucks
Some of you are preparing your pitchforks and opening your preferred social media app right now to begin your mission of telling me about how uncultured or out of touch I am with the 'scene.' Before you read further, let me make something clear: I don’t hate Deep Ellum. I work there a lot and, for the most part, enjoy it. However, it’s not all rainbows and cheap liquor. The fabled mecca of Dallas indie music and dive bars definitely has its flaws and that's exactly what we'll be diving into.
1. The Boomers
We’ve all seen The Boomer at some point or another in Deep Ellum. Whether it be at The Nines, Ruins, or somewhere else in the vicinity, they're hard to miss. They are those who opted for a retirement full of happy hours, frequent bar hopping and millennial shaming. The first of those two really aren’t that bad. If you enter your golden years and decide to trade a sunny Florida beach for an urban night life scene, more power to you. The third reason, however, is the most problematic. These Boomer-era party beasts love to judge those "darn millennials” about their overly indulgent drinking and chronic phone addictions (I won't lie, they might have a point there). They do this though, while being out and about with those who they aim these shots at! If they just hung out, shot their well tequila back, and complained about social inequalities like the rest of us, they might not be so bad. Unfortunately, they don’t.
2. It's $30,000 Millionaire Central
Similarly to the aforementioned boomers, there also happens to be the one at the other end of the spectrum: The $30,000 millionaire who always has their Porsche at the shop. It’s really not too hard to spot these. You just have to look for the loudest section at Bottled Blonde that contains 20 people and only one handle of Titos vodka. These particular individuals happen to ruin your buzz simply due to their sheer arrogance and strong scent of Axe body spray.
3. These Dive Bars are Actually Getting Kind of...Expensive
Hear me out here. I know you’re probably thinking, “but Jon, didn’t you just judge the try hards splitting a club section 20 ways?” I’m not talking about them; I’m talking about your average 25 to 35-year-old young adult, looking to catch a simple buzz on a night out with friends without possibly having to pawn their blender in exchange for rent money at the end of the month. If you’re not somewhat familiar with the best drink deals in the area, you could easily leave your first bar and realize, after looking at your receipt, that you somehow managed to blow $75 on two Moscow mules and a bottle of light beer. My suggestion? Make the trek up north to Denton’s Fry Street and take all the $2 white gummy bear shots your heart and liver could possibly desire.
So, you didn’t arrive in Deep Ellum before 6 p.m. in order to get a parking spot? Amateur. Let me give you a glimpse into how your average weekend arrival in Deep Ellum is going to go; you’re going to drive up and down Commerce, Elm and Main Street five times looking for street side meter spots (surprise, you won’t find any) and then you’ll drive back down Elm Street and begin arguing with yourself on whether you should pay the “parking attendant” for a spot at a lot which has a big red and white sign that reads, “No Parking. Towing Enforced.” This is a sign which the parking attendant claims you should ignore, then, ultimately, you’ll end up parking in a public lot that is about 30 miles from where you actually wanted to be.
5. Is the Roof Supposed to Have a Hole?
Deep Ellum has a lot of rich history and art that is pretty significant to the city of Dallas. Why is that? Well in part, because it’s really old. At the moment, Deep Ellum is getting some much-needed TLC, however, it's coming 30 years too late. Yes, dive bars are supposed to have some knocks and a certain type of grungy, slightly dirty, charm to them. They should not, however, have a lack of air conditioning, missing sinks and holes in the wall which let you see your fellow drunkards walking down the street.
So, there you have it. These are a few reasons why Deep Ellum, at times, can suck. It’s not all bad, not by a long shot. There’s some really bomb food, good local music and super chill people to see in the area. However, just like in any relationship, you should see both the good and bad. What does your Deep Ellum pros and cons list consist of? Let us know below and at @thisisuproar!